Emeka (32) Single • Nigerian Man in Diaspora
“She’s Amazing. But I’m Not Ready.”
What Some Men Are Thinking (But Rarely Say)
Let’s be honest guys.
Sometimes a woman is everything on paper. She’s beautiful, intelligent, spiritual and stable. But we still hesitate to pop the question.
It’s not always because she’s lacking something. Sometimes it’s just because we don’t feel like we are on the same page.
Many of us men will rarely admit that we don’t feel fully ready for the weight of marriage. Instead we simply say we’re not ready which can mean different things including that we’re still figuring out our finances, not confident in ourselves yet, we don’t want the responsibility of taking care of a whole human and a baby that will come soon, we’re not sure we know how to lead well and we’re just plain afraid of failing in marriage.
And this creates fear which can spell rejection for our dear ladies.
Truth is, marriage can feel like weight to an unprepared man. Marriage to a confident, high-capacity woman can make us wonder if we can match her so we don’t feel like we’re beneath her or interested in her money and/or status.
So we feel insecure and that can lead to us delaying, withdrawing and staying vague and ambiguous. And all of this is on us not her, because it’s not that she’s fit, it’s just us who feel like we’re behind.
Because for us men, ensuring we are realigned with the woman we want to settle with trumps admiration for us.
As a man, we can admire you deeply and still know that our timelines don’t match, our emotional speeds are different and our ambitions will clash.
Admiration for us does not equal readiness.
So for the good woman wondering why we seem to drag our feet. Just know that our hesitation is not always your deficiency.
Sometimes it’s just us. We haven’t finished growing in all the ways we need to grow.
And just so you know, not every “almost” is a mistake. Some of them are redirections.
