Missing Family, Food, Language and Culture? How to Handle Homesickness in the Netherlands -

You can be grateful for your life in the Netherlands and still miss home deeply.

You may have moved for work, study, love, safety or a better future. You may appreciate the opportunities you now have and still feel an ache when you hear a familiar song, see a family celebration you could not attend or realise that nobody around you understands a cultural reference that once needed no explanation.

That does not make you ungrateful. It does not prove that moving was a mistake. It does not mean you have failed to integrate.

Homesickness in the Netherlands can be less about wanting to reverse your entire move and more about missing the people, language, food, routines and version of yourself that once felt completely at home.

The goal is not to erase that connection. It is to build enough familiarity, support and belonging where you live now that missing home no longer controls your everyday life.

What is homesickness?

Homesickness is distress connected to being separated from home and adjusting to an unfamiliar environment. A scientific review describes it as a frequent part of relocation that can be associated with adjustment difficulties.

It may look like:

Thinking about home frequently
Feeling emotional after speaking with family
Idealising life back home
Becoming unusually irritated by Dutch customs
Withdrawing from local activities
Struggling to concentrate
Losing interest in exploring your new environment
Experiencing changes in sleep or appetite
Feeling culturally invisible or misunderstood
Wanting to “go home” without knowing whether a visit would solve the problem

These are possible experiences, not a diagnostic checklist. Homesickness is not automatically a mental illness, and not everyone experiences it in the same way.

Research involving expatriates from parts of the Global South has also documented how unfamiliar routines, reduced feelings of competence and separation from familiar social and cultural environments can affect wellbeing and work. However, one study or set of experiences cannot represent every African living abroad.

Homesickness, loneliness and culture shock are not identical

These experiences can overlap, but they are not the same.

Experience	What it usually centres on
Homesickness	Longing for home, familiar people, places, routines or identity
Loneliness	Feeling that your current relationships do not provide the connection you need
Culture shock	Strain or confusion caused by navigating unfamiliar social rules, values and systems
Depression or anxiety	Mental-health conditions that may require professional assessment, particularly when symptoms persist or seriously disrupt daily life

You can be homesick without being lonely. You might have friends in the Netherlands and still miss your parents, language or cultural environment.

You can also feel lonely without wanting to return home. What you may need is deeper connection where you currently live.

Persistent low mood, severe anxiety or difficulty functioning should not automatically be dismissed as “just homesickness.”

Why homesickness may start later

Some people feel homesick immediately. For others, it appears months or even years after moving.

The first stage of relocation can be consumed by practical tasks: finding a home, starting work, registering with the municipality, arranging insurance and learning how Dutch systems operate. Homesickness may become more noticeable after the urgency settles.

It can also return in waves around:

Birthdays, weddings, funerals and family celebrations
Religious festivals and cultural holidays
Illness or loss within the family
Pregnancy or the birth of a child
Difficulties at work
Rejection, discrimination or feeling misunderstood
Darker winter months
Children becoming less fluent in the family’s language
Expensive flights or residence-document concerns making travel difficult
Returning to the Netherlands after visiting home

There is no universal timetable. Feeling better for several months and then homesick again does not mean you have lost all your progress.

Start by identifying what you actually miss

“Home” is rarely one single thing. Naming the specific loss makes it easier to decide what may help.

Complete one or more of these sentences:

I miss being known without constantly explaining myself.
I miss spontaneous visits from family and friends.
I miss speaking my language freely.
I miss eating familiar food with other people.
I miss worshipping in a familiar way.
I miss feeling competent and socially confident.
I miss the noise, humour or energy of home.
I miss having people nearby whom I could call in an emergency.
I miss being present for important family moments.

Missing family requires a different response from missing food. Missing cultural ease is different from needing practical emergency support.

Sometimes you do not primarily miss the country. You miss the version of yourself who felt capable, connected and understood there.

Stay connected to family intentionally

Calls and messages can help maintain important relationships, but more contact is not automatically better.

If every free hour is spent online with people back home, you may have little emotional or practical room left to build relationships in the Netherlands. At the same time, cutting yourself off from home in the name of “integrating” can create unnecessary loss.

Try creating an intentional rhythm:

Agree on realistic days and times for family calls.
Schedule the next call before ending the current one.
Use voice notes to share ordinary moments, not only major news.
Join important celebrations through video when appropriate.
Watch a familiar programme or listen to radio from home.
Give children regular opportunities to speak with relatives in the family language.
Create a smaller family group for everyday updates if large chats become overwhelming.

The aim is connection that supports your life—not contact that leaves you emotionally suspended between two countries.

Recreate cultural anchors in the Netherlands

Food, language, music, clothing and familiar routines are not superficial comforts. They can carry memory, identity and belonging.

Consider creating a few reliable cultural anchors:

Cook one familiar meal every week.
Identify African food shops that stock your essential ingredients.
Play music that helps you feel connected.
Celebrate cultural or religious dates in your home.
Wear clothes that reconnect you with your identity.
Attend a familiar style of worship if faith is important to you.
Speak your language regularly with family or other speakers.
Invite someone to share a meal rather than always eating familiar food alone.

You do not have to recreate your entire former life. A few repeated rituals can make your present life feel less emotionally unfamiliar.

Rebuild the confidence that relocation disrupted

Moving abroad can temporarily make an experienced adult feel like a beginner.

You may need help understanding letters, booking appointments, speaking to your child’s school or navigating workplace expectations. That can create the uncomfortable feeling that you are less capable than you used to be.

You are not necessarily missing competence itself. You may be missing an environment in which your competence was easily recognised.

Rebuild that confidence deliberately:

Keep a record of unfamiliar tasks you have already learned to handle.
Ask questions without treating the need for information as personal failure.
Improve your Dutch gradually, while recognising the skills you already possess.
Find professional or community spaces where your experience is understood.
Take on one locally meaningful responsibility, such as volunteering or helping with a school or community activity.

Belonging grows partly through relationships, but it also grows when you begin to recognise yourself again.

Turn nostalgia into local connection

There is a difference between consuming familiar culture alone and using it to connect with people.

You could:

Invite someone for a familiar meal.
Join a faith or cultural community.
Attend African cultural events.
Volunteer at a community organisation.
Join a sports club or recurring class.
Participate in a parenting or professional group.
Organise a small cooking or language gathering.
Follow up with someone you enjoyed meeting instead of waiting for them to contact you.

Dutch government guidance on loneliness recommends reconnecting with people, joining local activities, volunteering and speaking to a GP, community professional or municipality when more support is needed.

A familiar cultural space can offer a bridge

Sometimes what you miss cannot be reproduced through a video call. You want to hear familiar music, taste familiar food and spend a few hours in a room where some cultural references do not require a long explanation.

If Nigerian culture is part of what you miss—or simply something you enjoy—NaijaFEST is a yearly event that brings the Sights, Sounds and Taste of Naija to the Netherlands, every October.

It might not fully cure homesickness but it provides an enjoyable opportunity to reconnect with familiar culture and spend time around community.

Discover NaijaFEST on www.naijafest.nl

Build belonging through repetition

One event may introduce you to people, but it rarely creates an instant support system.

Friendship usually develops through repeated, relatively ordinary contact:

Attending the same church or community group
Joining a weekly class or sports club
Seeing the same parents at school
Volunteering with the same organisation
Visiting the same local café, library or community centre
Accepting invitations—and offering them
Following up after meeting someone

Instead of asking only, “Where can I meet people?”, ask:

Where can I keep seeing some of the same people?

Becoming a familiar face gives casual conversations time to become real relationships.

You do not have to choose between integration and identity

Integrating into Dutch society does not require erasing your African identity.

You can learn Dutch, understand local customs, form Dutch friendships and participate fully in society while maintaining your language, food, faith, family traditions and cultural relationships.

At the same time, remaining exclusively within one familiar cultural circle can make wider settlement more difficult.

The healthier aim is not choosing one world and rejecting the other. It is expanding your life until it has room for both familiarity and discovery.

You may occasionally feel as though you are changing cultural gears—adjusting your humour, language, tone or social behaviour depending on the room. That effort can be tiring. Having some spaces where you do not need to translate every part of yourself can provide valuable relief.

Prepare for difficult dates and seasons

Some homesickness triggers are predictable. Planning for them can reduce the feeling of being emotionally ambushed.

Before an important date:

Arrange a family call.
Decide whom you will spend the day with locally.
Cook or order a familiar meal.
Attend a faith or cultural gathering.
Ask relatives to send photographs or include you in part of the celebration.
Plan something meaningful for the weekend after returning from a visit home.

During the darker months, create a routine that includes daylight, movement and regular social contact. If seasonal changes are seriously affecting your mood or functioning, speak to your huisarts rather than assuming you simply need more discipline.

Should you travel home when you feel homesick?

A visit home can be restorative, but it is not a universal solution.

Before booking an urgent trip, consider:

Can you afford the complete cost without creating financial stress?
Do you have enough annual leave?
Are your passport and residence documents valid for the journey?
Are there family expectations around money, gifts or responsibilities?
Is returning to the Netherlands likely to be emotionally difficult?
What support will you have after you return?

A visit may help you reconnect and rest. It may also remind you that both you and home have changed.

Do not make an unaffordable flight your only coping strategy. Build forms of support that remain available after the visit ends.

Couples and children may adjust at different speeds

One partner may settle quickly while another struggles. Children may enjoy school while missing grandparents, cousins, food or the family language.

Different adjustment speeds are not evidence of ingratitude or rejection.

Families can help by:

Holding regular, pressure-free check-ins
Allowing each person to name what they miss
Avoiding comparisons such as “Everyone else is coping”
Maintaining household traditions
Helping children practise the family language without shaming mistakes
Supporting each family member in developing local relationships
Discussing how money and leave for family visits will be planned

A child who appears settled may still be grieving relationships or parts of their identity they cannot easily explain.

When should you seek additional help?

Consider speaking to your huisarts, or GP, if your feelings persist, become worse or significantly interfere with everyday life.

Warning signs may include:

Prolonged low mood
Losing interest or pleasure in most activities
Serious or continuing sleep or appetite disruption
Repeated panic or severe anxiety
Being unable to work, study or care for yourself
Increasing reliance on alcohol or other substances
Withdrawing almost completely
Feeling persistently hopeless or unsafe

Your GP may discuss support within the practice, including a POH-GGZ—a mental-health practice nurse—or refer you to another service. Availability, language options and the number of appointments vary between practices.

GP care is excluded from the mandatory Dutch health-insurance deductible. However, medication, tests or treatment following a referral can have different coverage and may use the deductible. Ask the practice or your insurer if you are unsure.

If you are thinking about suicide, do not face it alone:

Call 112 if you are in immediate danger.
If you are in the Netherlands and not in immediate danger, call 113 or 0800-0113, or use the confidential online chat at 113.nl.
If you are outside the Netherlands, use the 113 online chat or contact the emergency or crisis service in your location.

Mistakes to avoid when dealing with homesickness

Feeling ashamed because you “should be grateful”

Gratitude and grief can exist together. Shaming yourself usually makes honest reflection and help-seeking more difficult.

Assuming homesickness proves the move was wrong

Homesickness tells you that something important is missing. It does not automatically tell you what decision to make.

Waiting passively for friendship

Local relationships often require repeated attendance, follow-up and invitations.

Spending every free moment connected to home

Contact can comfort you while still preventing you from investing in your present surroundings.

Comparing difficult Dutch days with an idealised version of home

Remember the warmth of home without pretending that life there was free from stress or complexity.

Expecting one event to create instant community

An event can open a door. Relationships develop when you follow up and return.

Abandoning your culture to integrate

Integration does not require cultural erasure.

Refusing all relationships outside your cultural community

Familiar community matters, but a sustainable life in the Netherlands also benefits from wider local connections.

Treating persistent distress as ordinary homesickness

If you are struggling to function, feeling hopeless or becoming increasingly isolated, ask for professional help.

What should you do next?

Start with these five steps:

Name what you miss. Be more specific than “home.”
Choose one cultural anchor. Restore a meal, language practice, faith routine or family tradition.
Create a sustainable contact rhythm. Stay connected without spending your entire present life online.
Choose one recurring local space. Attend consistently enough to become a familiar face.
Monitor your wellbeing honestly. Contact your huisarts if the problem is persistent, worsening or affecting your ability to function.

You do not need to stop missing home before you can build a meaningful life in the Netherlands.

Home can remain part of you while the place where you now live gradually becomes part of you too.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is it normal to feel homesick after moving to the Netherlands?

Yes. Relocation can involve separation from important people, routines, language and culture, even when the move was voluntary and beneficial.

How long does homesickness last?

There is no universal timeline. It may improve gradually, return in waves or reappear around significant dates, family changes, difficult seasons or visits home.

Can I be happy in the Netherlands and still miss home?

Yes. Appreciating your current life and longing for parts of your former life are not contradictions.

Is homesickness the same as loneliness?

No. Homesickness centres on separation from home and familiarity. Loneliness concerns whether your current relationships provide the connection you need. The two can overlap.

Can homesickness begin years after moving abroad?

Yes. Bereavement, parenthood, family celebrations, changes in relationships, work problems or returning from a visit can reactivate it.

Can calling home too frequently make homesickness worse?

Calls can be supportive. However, if contact with home replaces nearly all local engagement, it may become harder to build belonging where you live.

What can I do when I miss African food?

Identify the ingredients and meals that matter most, locate reliable African food shops, create regular cooking rituals and share meals with others when possible.

What if I miss speaking my language?

Create regular opportunities through family calls, media, faith communities, cultural groups and conversations with other speakers. If you have children, make family-language practice encouraging rather than punitive.

How can I make friends in the Netherlands?

Prioritise recurring activities where you see the same people regularly. Follow up after meeting someone and occasionally issue the invitation yourself.

Should I travel home when I feel homesick?

A visit may help, but consider affordability, leave, residence documents, family expectations and how you may feel after returning. It should not be your only source of support.

When should I speak to my huisarts?

Seek help when low mood, anxiety, isolation, sleep or appetite changes, substance use, hopelessness or difficulty functioning persist or worsen.

Can attending a cultural event help with homesickness?

It may provide familiarity, enjoyment and an opportunity for connection. Treat it as one bridge towards community, not as a complete solution or substitute for professional support.

Official Sources Used

Supporting Research

Last fact-checked: 3 September 2026.

This article provides general information and is not a diagnosis or a substitute for personalised medical or mental-health advice.